Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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