Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
