from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
