He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
