yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
