Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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