no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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