I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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