If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
