she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
