quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
