Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
