we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
