What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
