Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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