Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
