I just saw a hot homeless man
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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