you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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