Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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