the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
