Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
