I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
