I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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