He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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