Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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