just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
