he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
