but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
