My first STD was from a foam party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
