# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
