listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
