Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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