We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
