So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
