im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
