Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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