I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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