New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
