I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize