margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Houston, we have a squirter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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