If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize