do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
