i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
