4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
