My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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