I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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