I smell stomach acid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
