forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
