They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
