Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
