I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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