He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
