the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize