I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
