she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
