he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
