I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
