happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
