At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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