Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
