we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize