OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
