eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
