Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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