you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
