margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
