I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
