The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want a musical about memes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
