There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
