Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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