At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
