Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
