peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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