she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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