Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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