i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
